So I just got back from the hardware store. Apparently my house was not built
with an electrical system intended for welding in the basement. It's also the
first house I have ever lived in where they don't have a circuit breaker and
actually still have fuses.
So I head over to True Value. I found the fuses relatively easily and then
decided to look at some new welding goggles.
I don't usually weld anything for too long, so I can use goggles and keep the
mohawk up while I weld. I like this for two reasons. Number one is that if I use
the helmet I have to fuck my hair all up to put it on. Number two is that I can
only assume that I look undoubtedly masculine and handsome welding with a full
mohawk and that if a bus load of Catholic school girls were to break down and
somehow get inside to witness the spectacle of my incredible biceps and rippling
abs welding away they would immediately start a second great flood with the
overflowing of feminine fluids from their panties and I would have to stop
whatever art piece I was working on at the time and weld my ass an Ark with a
quickness.
Anyway, I go over to the big wall o’ welding shit. I pick up a pair of really
nice looking goggles but I notice they seem a tad light for welding, so I ask
the Shriner behind the counter if they are meant for welding. Yes, he assures
me, they are good for welding. I ask him to come over and help me take a look.
This is a big request coming from a lowly customer seeing as how the wall is an
expanse of nearly 8 feet away, but somehow he manages to Lewis and Clarke it the
fuck over there and looks at them. He tells me that they are made by Forney, and
since Forney makes welding supplies, they must be for welding.
Not that I don’t want to believe this, but they still seem pretty damned light,
so I look through all of them until I see one pair with a warning label on them.
“NOT FOR WELDING, THESE GLASSES PROVIDE NO ULTRA VIOLET PROTECTION”
Huh, well I suppose that couldn’t be all that important unless I don’t want to
go FUCKING BLIND while I’m welding this shit, is it? Now I am still being
courteous at this point and I advise him that they were not in suitable for
welding. Apparently in addition to being blind he is also ass deaf because he
ignores me while I am checking out. At that point he hands me my receipt and
turns to go do something else.
Well shit, thank ME for shopping here eh? Seriously, what the hell is with
people in retail these days. I know, it’s hard to stock shelves and you're
America’s unsung heroes for all that you do to move this great nation of ours
forward and all, but shit, could you at least manage to maybe not act like
everyone who comes into your store is a salty pain in your ass? Is it too much
to ask that you know jack or shit about the products you sell?
I’m not looking for someone to kiss my ass when I come in, I’m not asking you to
spoon with me before I check out, I’m just asking for a little damned courtesy.
Say “Thanks for shopping at True Value” at the very least. You’re not doing ME
any personal favors by selling me some crap I can buy anywhere else.
I hear older people talk about how my generation has no respect, but you know,
every time I get disrespected by someone it is usually an older person in
exactly this type of situation. Hey, you know it’s not MY fault you lived a life
without any career goals and now your wrinkly ass has to work retail until the
day you die a geriatric death. It’s not my fault you have a crap on job. Guess
what, we ALL have crap on jobs, deal with it.
At any rate, I now have a plan formulated for any time this happens. My solemn
vow is this…any time from now until the end of time, when I am at a store and
they don’t say “Thank you for shopping at [insert name of crappy establishment
here]” I am going to scream as loudly as possible “THANK YOU FOR ALLOWING ME THE
PLEASURE OF GIVING YOU MY MONEY, OH EXALTED AND ALTRUISTIC COUNTER PERSON!” and
then I am going to Rex Qwon Do them. Sure, it might not actually solve anything,
but it will make me feel better and in the end that’s what is really important.