I have an absolutely pristine ass...

I realize that statement might come off as somewhat pompous, but I don't mean it in the traditional way...here's what I mean by it...

So check this out, here is a scenario that you should think about: You are walking down the street and some crazy dirty homeless guy is coming up to you. He has a piece of crap in his hand and as you walk by he totally slaps it across your forehead leaving a nice big, chunky brown Nutragious print on your forehead.

So what do you do? Do you go and wash your head with like all the anti bacterial soap you can find and scrub like it's going out of style, or...do you just grab a Kleenex and wipe it off as best you can and go on with your day?

Of course you would (god I hope) wash your head with an unparalleled amount of fervor. So can you kind of tell where I am going with this one?

Why is it, that as Americans, people just basically smear crap around their butt with toilet paper instead of actually WASHING that shit off? Eh...bad pun...anyway, does that make any sense to you? Does it not seem that the sanitary choice would be to actually have some sort of additional cleaning going on down there?

I thought about this last night at club Onyx. I was in the bathroom doing makeup and watching people walk in and out. I was astounded by the alarming amount of really scuzy looking people who leave without washing their hands as they exit. These are people who inevitably want to shake my hand at some point in the night which sucks. I go to eat after the club which means I wash my hands first.

Well, that means I get to go into the club bathroom before I leave which in turn means that on my way out the door I have the daunting task of NOT coming into contact with anyone nasty who wants to shake my hand on the way out, sometimes I don't make it. Usually these are the same people who are covered in a nice glistening layer of sweat as well...that and a Wumpscutt t-shirt. I am not really sure which is worse.

Another thing is that I usually wash my hands before I go to the bathroom nowadays too. Why? Well, because in all honesty Big Jim and the Boys are probably in a LOT more sanitary conditions than about 99% of the things my hands come in contact with on a daily basis. I mean, I have been handling door knobs, money, gimps at the club, parking meters...you get the idea.

My schlong on the other hand has been in it's carrying case all day long, AND I washed it before I put it there, so really he is probably in more of a position to be concerned than I, as a whole, am.

I thought I had more to say here, but I guess that is about it...Going to see Caustic Soul tonight. Incidentally Matrix Revolutions kicked ay-ass, I don't care what everyone else says...plus there is a nipple twister in the movie! For real! Watch for it! I was, in all honesty, expecting a lot of things from the 3 instalment of the Matrix, but a nipple twister was most assuredly NOT one of them....