Most of last weekend was spent fixing a broken heater control in the Honda. You really have to hand it to the Japanese, they know how to dish out revenge. I say this because I am working on no less than 3 imports this week. Take it from me, they have not forgotten Hiroshima and Nagasaki. They have been slowly reaming us via imports the last few decades as retribution. It’s like getting in two good punches in a fight you thought you won, but realizing 60 years later that the supposed ‘loser’ in the fight has actually been sneaking into your room late at night and fucking you up the ass while you sleep.

First of all, if one bolt will hold the part in place just fine, they will use 4, and half of those bolts will not be the same metric size as the others. I resent the metric system too. I am just fine with the standard system. For years we had only the standard system of measurement in America which was a system that made no sense at all from a systematic standpoint. Nothing matched, nothing converted to another unit without massive amounts of calculations on your part (which were usually ASS wrong in the end) and the whole system basically boiled down to something that was without any real logic. Now we have the metric system, which, while it does make sense, sucks, because it points out how fucked up the standard system really was. I resent this and hereby vote that we stick to our busted ass system of measurement and beat anyone who tries to improve it with diesel repair tools.

I also went to Goodwill. Not because I needed anything but because I wanted to remind myself that as shitty as life seems some times, at least I am not buying used underwear at a place manned by gorgon titted troll women. Incidentally, the next time you want to get like REALLY depressed, go to your area Goodwill and head over to the toy section. Trust me, if you don’t understand what I am talking about now, once you get to the ‘Extremely soiled, headless Strawberry Shortcake’ section, you will. If your looking for something to push you over the edge on suicide, that’s the place to go. Also, try haggling over the price of busted ass electronics with the aforementioned bargain trolls once you get to the counter, it really pisses them off.

Before I get started on today’s post though, I want to preface it by stating that I don’t need any cretin responses telling me this post is racist. Yes, I am going to make fun of minorities in this post, but I am also going to make fun of honkies as well. This planet has gotten so damned PC that anytime you mention any minority, and your statement is anything less than a glowing piece of praise riddled with politically correct etiquette, you are a raging racist.

Look, here is the thing…racism is defined as what? Well, it is defined as being treated differently because of how you look. Well, if you don’t want to be the victim of racism, then you need to be subject to the same crap as the rest of us, not elevated or protected from it, and you will be treated just like everyone else, namely, you’ll get crapped on and made fun of like everyone else. Huzzah for equality!

Effectively immediately there needs to be an international United Nations ban on anyone having children until everyone out there stops giving their kids fucked up stupid ass names.

Here is what brings me to this- At my job, I have to monitor financial transaction for people, which means I run across a lot of names and I have plenty of time to think about them as my job is so remedial that it requires about .0003% of my mental capacity to complete.

Anyway, the first group that has gotten into the bad habit of picking up dumb names for their kids is colored individuals. No, I don’t care if we aren’t calling people of color this any more, I don’t have time to look up what the official inoffensive monikers for certain ethnicities are this week. The thing is, you can tell these people are blatantly making up names. They take one of 25 pre-approved phonics, add two or three of them together, and that is the name of your kid.

Select one or more of the following- Sha, La, Rah, Ja, or Wa and add it to Eesta, Sheena, Wanda, Eesha or Shoshanna, and you have a name.

What’s worse, I actually have a friend who works in an emergency room who reveals that on more than one occasion, people will hear medical terms in the room and decide to make them into baby names. In one such case, the parents named their child Meconium. Well, as charming as it sounds, this is actually the medical term defining the presence of feces in the amniotic fluid. How is that for starting out your life legacy on the wrong foot? 2 minutes into this world and you’ve already been named after a floater.

White people are even worse because, as is the case with us, we have about 2.5 million names to chose from that are perfectly fine, but like cable TV selections, we have to have MORE, no matter how shitty and insipid. Now people are naming their kids after geographic locations like Phoenix or Dakota. In a way, that is almost like being named after a butthole.

White people were also the major ethnic group involved in the hippie movement. I know that it goes without saying how much hippies suck, but because I really, REALLY hate hippies, I am going to say it anyway, for good measure. Hippies named their kids crap like Freebird and Fairweather or Sunshine. These kids have to spend the rest of their lives making the disclaimer that their parents were stupid hippies, and that is why they are named after forest dwelling animals.

Speaking of stupid things white people like, what the fuck is up with Stevie Nicks? Ok for the longest time I assumed that she was some sort of very talented musician. I based this assumption off the fact that when you walk into any office building in America, there is going to be at least one aging, balding, tard with a Stevie Nicks screensaver.

Well, we are watching VH-1 the other day and there is a concert on for Fleetwood Mac and I all of the sudden notice that she is not even playing an instrument, she is playing the ANTI-instrument, the tambourine. The tambourine is the thing they hand the retarded kid whose parents insist he be allowed to join band because not even a mental defective can mess it up. So this woman has gained international recognition for being the wielder of a musical device so simple that the developmentally challenged can’t screw it up? God dammit! What the hell is with white peoples music tastes!?

Also, don’t tell me it is sex appeal either. I once put a 455 engine in the back end of a 71 Oldsmobile and it still had less junk in the trunk than that behemoth of a woman. Someone also told me that it is a confirmed fact that she has engaged in coitus with every single member of the band. I am not surprised in the least by this. Not because I question her moral integrity, but because her ass is so big that if you took your pants off anywhere in a tour bus, your schlong would instantly be occupying the same space as her commodious posterior. It would be physically impossible NOT to have sex with her.

At any rate, I am veering off subject here. The issue at hand was stupid names.

At least you can hand it to the Arabic populace, they just settled on one name and decided to spell it 400 different ways. I have no opposition to that, it’s a pretty damned good name- Mohammad. The best part is, they get really pissy if you misspell it, but I suspect that they are actually in on the joke and fully realize how damned confusing it is to the rest of us. I have absolutely no fact to back this statement up, but I suspect that every couple of months they all change the way they spell their version of Mohammad, just to fuck us up more and they all laugh their asses off.

Wow…I bet if I have ever made one statement that is going to get Anthrax mailed to me, or a surface to surface rocket fired at my house, that was it right there. At least I know that chances are it will be intercepted by Stevie Nick’s ass long before it ever hits me.