If you want a good laugh in a tragic, why Lord God did you set the planet up
like this sort of way, head over to
http://www.suicidegirls.com and read THEIR journals.
It's like this unholy union of bad grammar, no punctuation and inane news. Look,
Suicide Girls, I hate to break it to you...NO ONE CARES that you and your
boyfriend are fighting or that your home PC sucks or that your new supervisor at
[insert name of crappy job here] is a total skank. No one with a subscription to
a porn site gives a rats ass what you think or what's going on with you.
Do you know why the internet is not clogged with paysites with names like 'www.whatbimbosreallythink.com'
or 'www.the.deep.thoughts.of.chicks.who.tak
Anyway, here's the part where a bunch of people write me and tell me how wrong I
am and how they, or a friend of theirs, poses naked for some shitty photographer
and it doesn't make them bimbos and yakkity smackitty. Whatever, look, save it
cuz I aint buying it. Seriously, what is it with goth girls and getting naked?
Why is it that any sleaze bag 35 year old ass charger with a Sony Cyberdong
camera can just produce a 'business' card they had printed at Kinkos and you
guys will flash tittay like it's going out of style?
Look, I am going out on a limb here, but for the most part
FETISH PHOTOGRAPHERS ARE FULL OF SHIT.
What bugs me is that I have never met ONE who ever admitted that the reason they
take pictures of naked girls is that, hey, they like pictures of chicks without
clothes on and the only thing better than that is when you get to BE the guy
taking those pictures.
Fetish photographers always have these bullshit alibis about how it is about art
and the female form, and talent. My ass. Seriously, you're not Ansel fucking
Adams. If you only cared about form and talent, you'd be taking pictures of
great human achievements or architecture, not the 10 millionth picture of some
naked chick in a graveyard or bondage.
Look, I'm not one of those ardent anti porn goons, I don't deny I like me some
nekked goth girls, but for the love of crap, don't fucking try to church it up.
Don't try to make it sound like a humanitarian mission to expose the masses to
the totally unrealized revelation that tits are nice. We know already. No
convincing needed.
Oh yeah, and stop talking about Harry Potter. It's getting alarmingly...er...alarming
how many adults I am seeing jizzing themselves over the fact that one of the
characters died. OMG! OMFG! OMFGSTHU! Here is what you need to do if you find
your pants have suddenly become damp and sticky while reading a CHILDS BOOK.
1. Put the book DOWN.
2. Go outside, take ten steps and then turn around.
3. Look at your house. Chances are it's probably shittier than the one you
wanted to live in as a kid. The one you wanted as a kid was probably like the
Bat Cave or the Halls of Justice. This thing is probably pretty fucking boring
and you probably work a shit job just to afford it.
4. Realize that Harry Potter is a fantasy book and that even if Professor Snape
fucked Harry up the pooper and used the girl whose name I am not going to bother
to look up as a condom, NONE OF THE HORRIBLE REALITY THAT MAKES UP *YOUR*
EXISTENCE CHANGES. At all. Tomorrow your crappy job will still be crap, your big
ass will keep getting bigger because you're not a teenager anymore and the fact
is your body changes when you get older, and you are not going to be a rock star
or the pilot of Voltron. Stop living vicariously through escapism and just live
YOUR damned life a little and maybe you won't need to obsess over FANTASY.
Oh yeah, and in case there are still some shut in's I have not offended yet-
EPISODE III SUCKED AND IN NO WAY MADE UP FOR THE OTHER TWO.